The problem with being knocked out against my will is that waking up sucks balls. Giant ones. Like those kinds movie pigs have with shit all over them. Is it clear that I don’t like being kidnapped? Then let me rephrase, I came to and the first idea in my mind was Ted needed a kick his clearly oversized balls. And those smirking electrical twins. Whatever applied there.
So, I woke up to lava again. Red existed everywhere in the universe. It bubbled, blackened, and rolled over itself. The flow looked far less fake this time. Both arms were bound. I jerked my shoulders but they didn’t move. My mouth attempted to open and start cursing but someone had actually wrapped tape around my head.
I flopped with what little slack they’d left me. Wetting both lips didn’t loosen the material. Heat dried my eyes and nostrils. Every single ounce of it served to make a budding headache worse. It felt like the throbbing annoyance hadn’t really stopped since the last volcanic lair.
In front of me was another stupid raised dais, with dozens of steps leading upward. On it sat the swiveling throne. It felt less dramatic the second time. There were multiple people talking in hushed tones that could barely be heard above the crackling lava.
“Mmhmprhfl Mmr,” I grunted through the tape.
Their mumbling kept going. Two of the female voices were loudest of all. They were arguing over something with another monotone man. I couldn’t tell if Ted said anything, but he probably did. There were pauses between two girls talking in rushed unison.
What I found weird, was that no one sounded happy or laughed. Real anger lined the few tones that made it through. Their voices raised and lowered in intensity. Maybe I projected my own irritation.
Everything looked the same except for that damn lava and a lack of other hostages. To one side sat a large amount of pointy looking objects. They were shiney and reminded me of stuff a doctor might use.
The chair finally swiveled around. Ted sat in it complete with inkblot barf suit and giant gauntlets. He rubbed at his forehead with oversized fingers.
“Mister Millard,” the words thundered before settling down. “You’re awake ahead of schedule, again.”
My back chilled as another sinister idea occurred to me. What if Ted really could tell the future, but because of the floating eyeball that hadn’t been invented yet? It wouldn’t be the first time someone got knowledge of events ahead of schedule.
I hoped not, and defaulted back to normal response patterns. Eyes rolled and I bobbled a little in the bindings. Ted had switched to Telegraph mode but with my mouth bound it would be impossible to tell him how stupid he’d become. I hoped he’d figure it out soon. With his vaunted knowing what I’d do, before I do it powers, then we should have been clear.
Twin lightning ladies stepped up, still displaying a lot of cleavage but it was hazy from the lava’s heat. I squinted and checked anyway, screw it. If I was going to be locked up then by god I’d get something out of the deal. My efforts didn’t pay off as they both turned to each other and started arguing softly. Yellow and blue bolts arced between the two.
The man himself stood up from the dull looking throne. There were no lights on the ceiling to scatter from his gauntlets. Dark lining under his eyes and the lava’s glow made him look more sinister than the last time. Both twins stood up above and crossed their arms in unison.
The pair of pairs got an eight out of ten for impressiveness. TeleGraph’s new base felt more authentic so it got slight bump up too. Not that I could remember the old score. I cared more about trying to strike back through awkward leers and sarcastic eye flutters.
He came down the steps slowly. Both his hands were behind his back. Ted walked up then freed one hand to grab at my chin. My head was pulled back forcing me to look up. I rolled my eyes and mumbled into the gag.
“My favorite part so far, Mister Millard, is that your wretched mouth has finally been sealed. It almost makes up for the sacrifices made along the way.”
Wiggling fingers would have help helped but they were taped together too. I blinked three times for ‘go fuck yourself’. The message wasn’t received. Ted turned then walked off to one side like any other super villain preparing to issue a monolog. He paced back in the other direction. I tracked his movements and waited.
“You see Mister Millard, I’ve known exactly who you were every time we’d met,” he said at last.
The gray faced man leaned over directly in front of me. His sudden presence made me jump.
“Truth,” TS said.
I’d say it was so silent I could hear a pin drop. That would be a lie, because the twins were still complaining at each other. My heartbeat stuttered and the asshole man with a droning voice stood there searching my face for a response. So, while Ted paced in the background, I blinked three more times.
No matter what Ted said, I intended to treat this like any other hostage situation. Rather quickly I got myself under control. They were both in the way of the eye candy and my neck couldn’t bend far enough. Maybe they’d get some bottles of lube and really start fighting.
Ted snapped fingers in front of my nose. “Mister Millard, your attention is wandering.”
I blinked three times again. The air dried out them out excessively. We shouldn’t be down here and no one should be comfortable. Especially not the nearly naked ladies, but they channeled lightning so what the hell did I know?
“This plan is stupid,” the pairs in the back shouted.
“All of you, do be quiet,” Ted’s eyes rolled somewhere behind that comical helmet of his. “The plan will work. I have it on good authority.”
“You promised us Golden Sun’s ass on a platter,” one of the almost bare breasted beauties said.
“Which hinges on Mister Millard being here, today.” Ted kept pacing.
An eyebrow went up as I considered what they were talking about. Then my body went slack in defeat. This entire thing had been a setup from the start, somehow. To get to the man who married his ex-wife. At least that had been the point if I followed everything right.
Here’s the thing, normally I kind of gave in during this stage. But after I’d promised myself not to give in with Cindy, to stand up for myself, I instead started feeling angry. Really upset. Me. I didn’t really get mad; I got frustrated, sarcastic, tired, but not angry.
My stomach twisted and a cheek twitched repeatedly. TS stared me in the face while Ted argued with the twins. I jerked in the restraints and tried to pull my arms out, intent upon strangling him. The restrains chaffed, tearing sounds came forth from the bindings. A small bit of the tape came loose.
“Ffffffuuuu.” Spit shot out the hole getting into my own eye. I winced to get the goop out.
Ted turned from his arguments and slammed his helmet with a giant armored palm. The noise rattled.
“Mister Millard, you don’t need to struggle or fight. Just sit there, and as before. All I’ll need to do is hold you hostage until we reach an agreement. Aftetrward you may go about your life without interference from me.”
I struggled and bounced then got slapped in the face by a heavy gauntlet. My ears rang which lungs seized. Snot dribbled down my nose as I turned to glare at Ted. Then I danced again in the bindings. The tape loosened.
“Fuck-“ I got hit again.
He started pacing. TS reapplied the tape. The girls shook their heads. I contemplated the brilliant choices that had led me to this stage.
“I prefer when we don’t talk. As I intended to say, is it odd that we come back to here for our next meeting? I think it is, but it feels fitting. We have history here you and I,” Ted said.
The real lava flow didn’t look familiar at all. I mean, boiling magma all looked the same after awhile. Maybe some rock scientist out there knows differently. For me, I wanted to know what the hell did Ted meant by all this nonsense.
“Mfh,” I said.
Ted held out a hand toward the flow. TS grunted and pushed the contraption holding me suspending to the side. Metal grounding overpowered the complaints and pops of lava.
“Cost me a bundle for the teleportation, but everything had already been set up here months ago. A real volcanic lair. Not some fake tourist attraction for the cameras. No, that fight was a warmup for the real heroes. A test.”
There were a lot of comments that I simply couldn’t voice. My shoulders pulled a bit to relieve the pressure. I couldn’t figure out what the hell he really wanted from me. Holding me hostage would surely result in more powers showing up, and more after that.
“You see, Mister Millard. I know what people are going to do, well before they do it. That includes who is most likely to show up today. We’re situated here because Golden Sun is in the area, and based on my foresight he should be flying by to stop this mountain from erupting.”
“Errumptngh?” I mumbled into the tape.
He explained some grand details while my mind got stuck on the word choice. Assuming Ted couldn’t lie – unless that had been a falsehood designed to screw me up – then he wanted Golden Sun to arrive. What killed me was the idea that he had foresight, that certainly hadn’t been one of his gifts. But-
Then it fucking hit me. Flux, or whatever the heck this robot eye thing was, recorded footage all the damn time. It shouldn’t exist. The metal eye bobbed around focusing on everyone moving. It kept swinging around the twins but they would send out bolts to chase it away.
As I tuned back in, I heard twin one said, “and when they get here.”
“We’re going to fry them,” her mirror finished.
My eyes rolled so hard I almost passed out. None of this would work out the way they expected. Time travel couldn’t be relied upon. It was like the universe thought time travel was a good chance to fuck with people. Here’s an example – I’d been caught up in this, I don’t know, event. While back in time I ordered a taco, and come back to the future to find my hotel had burned down. To repeat, somehow ordering tacos two weeks in the past ended up with a building being reduced to cinders.
So, this wouldn’t end how Ted wanted. But with my mouth covered in tape I couldn’t properly mock his stupidity.
TeleGraph stood in front of me and sighed heavily. He asked, “Did you hear any of that?”
I nodded and widened my eyes.
“A lie,” TS said.
All four of them managed to shake their heads in unison. Even the bubbling magma paused it’s rolling to judge me. It might have been the sedatives or two slaps messing with me. I couldn’t tell and today felt like the kind of day that would never work out well.
I couldn’t even tell for sure where on Earth we were. I mean, everywhere had lava if you dug deep enough. There were a few major fault lines where it bubbled up. Maybe we were in Hawaii. That’d be a treat.
Ted clapped two hands together and a screen came up. It’s projection shimmered in the heat haze. The words ‘calling home base’ appeared across a black screen. A ringing noise came from god knows where. I had no clue how wiring for surround sound even worked. This entire base could have been a dirt construct.
The line picked up. Video blurred into place while banging sounds poured through. They entire batch of people stared upward at the video screen.
“How’s the guest?” Ted asked.
The curly haired guy came in from the side. His face took up a huge portion of the cavern’s wall. I still didn’t know his name. I barely knew the other girl’s name. They weren’t on my list with the hundreds of other people.
“Alice? She’s less of a guest and-” a series of knives sprouted in the wall behind his head. “Well, this is more of a reverse hostage situation.”
Last I’d heard, they were breaking into a bathroom and sedating her. She’d sounded pretty passed out on the phone. Apparently, now that we had a video feed, that was not the case. The wall thumped violently.
“See?” he said. The video feed tilted as curly head showed us a door which shimmered with blue. To the right of the door sat all the punk deco. On the right was a pristine layout. The door itself flickered repeatedly and shards were missing from the middle.
My back twitched as theme song started. Both my eyes went wide in panic. The Alice somehow existed in the real world. She drove one arm through the broken doorway. Blue bubbled around the extended limb. Her eyes were wide and growling came through the audio feed. Background music was what really clued me into impending doom. The Alice wanting to tie me down and ride me like the only pony at a fair did not have sound effects – of the low bass type anyway. Murdering Alice did.
“Care to rephrase?” Ted asked with more calmness than I could have mustered.
I’ll bet he didn’t see this coming. He should have. Alice would probably be queen of the crazy farm, not to mention The Alice as an alter ego. Or whatever, ID. At the time I couldn’t figure out how to quantify her. I mean, almost a year later I figured it out, but by then it was too late. Sorry, I’m getting ahead again. One saga at a time.
“We’re having a bit of a crisis here,” the curly haired man understated.
“Why?” Ted asked.
“Apparently her body still reacts while heavily sedated,” curly responded.
“This crazy bitch is throwing knives at us!” The dour girl, Emily, actually looked worked up. She was riffling through objects on the messy side of the room. Paper went everywhere along with markers, pens, and two black dildos. I assumed anyway, the picture was hazy. If Emily used that equipment then no wonder size mattered. I almost felt sorry for curly.
“Jeez,” I mumbled into the gag.
“I told you to keep all the sharp objects away,” Ted said.
They both turned then yelled to the camera, “We did!”
“Where is she finding them then?”
The Alice yelled. She put one hand down a standard T-shirt and pulled out knives. They went straight through the blue bubble shield. Electronics crackled. Emily’s face twisted. The set bearing attractive twins shook their heads in disapproval.
“I don’t know!” Curly waved his hands at the camera.
Clearly it was magic or superpowers. Stuff she shouldn’t have been able to use in reality based on what little I understood. But honestly, life rarely made sense.
“That chick looks mad as a hornet,” one of the twins said. They’d stepped down from the throne and both craned their necks back too look up at the display.
“Where did you find her?” the other twin said. Their voices were too sweet for me. Like a sharp bubbly tone that two sorority sisters would use to talk to each other about boyfriends. Or whatever they liked. I did take note that the heat made them sweat a little which did absolute wonders for their curves.
They kept turning their heads back to check on me so only part of their expressions were making it through. I had nothing to do but stare at the entire mess going on. The small hole in the doorway showed The Alice, blonde this time, with a two handed hammer that weighed more than I did.
Which, in all honestly, I really wanted. That hammer looked amazingly fun. Flux could probably copy me something if my mouth hadn’t been bound.
“I didn’t find her. She’s a paramour of Mister Millard,” Ted frowned. “A lustful fan who’s in need of extensive therapy.” Ted couldn’t even be bothered to use the high pitched voice that went with Telegraph. His tone stayed flat as he grumbled.
Both twins shook their head at the same time. Tearing my eyes away from the sway took more effort than expected. I watched them wiggle and prided myself on taking away a pleasant sight from this entire mess.
“Oh god! She broke the door!” curly yelled.
“What about the force field?” Ted said.
“What about it!” he responded. “Adam, hey, Adam.” The curly haired man stood in front of the tiny screen with his head tilted. He smiled like we were friends. “For the record, I was against this. I’m on your side.”
“It helps that she’s trying to shoot you,” Emily said.
“No it doesn’t,” he responded. “You guys overruled me, five to one.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll cut open your stomach and rip out your entrails to make a jump rope!” Alice screamed.
She probably needed a lot of therapy. But who didn’t?
Blue shimmer popped then the video feed fuzzed. The room rippled as the glow faded. The Alice reared back then punched through the remaining doorway. She yelled at the other two then ran straight for the camera. Her hair flickered between bubbly blond and emotionally unstable black. Ted’s two business partners were groaning.
“Adam! Baby. Where are you?” Alice looked at the camera. Her nose took up most of the space. I think she actually tried to look through the lens like it might have a portal to the otherside. “You just sit right there. I’ll come get you honey. I’ll kill those assholes who took you. Then we can make beautiful love on their corpses. Don’t you worry, these people can’t stop-”
“Oh shut it, you crazy bitch,” the black haired woman cut her off.
And then Alice screamed and her body whipped sideways out of the frame in a bundle of green energy. Wailing filled the room and I tried to dig my shoulder into one ear to reduce the noise. Howling overpowered The Alice and green tendrils reached around the display. It took forever for the last bit of the noise to die off.
“Was that the Ghost Buster?” Ted asked calmly with his arms locked behind him.
“Yeah, it worked. You know what that means,” Emily responded. She sounded bored again now that Alice had been secured. “Should I post it?”
“Not yet. Is Alice contained?”
“It’s your toy,” she responded. She went off screen, grunted, then came back with a heavy looking box that drug down her arms to their full extent. “But here she is. Locked up for now.”
Ted nodded while I tried to figure out what kind of nonsense turn life had taken now. What I couldn’t understand was how The Alice managed to be in like three places at once. I assumed that real her got drugged and the crazy version went into Wonderland. There were too many things about The Alice’s powers that confused me. I mean, no one’s powers were exactly that straightforward. But she’d summoned weapons out of thin air into reality while her real body had been sedated.
“Good. Pack up the site and relocate quickly. Mister Millard here will work with us until we can bring down Golden Sun. Even if he does escape he’ll have to come back if he-”
The wall busted open, showing me once again with rocks. The image above distorted as rubble shifted around. Ted clapped his hands then whirled around. Both twins lifted their arms.
And once again, General stood in the doorway. All those patriotic colors and a cape that screamed pretentious. The hole and burst of sunlight peeking through were insanely familiar. I squinted against the sudden brightening.
“Never fear citizens!” he said.
I snorted. Ted’s eye actually twitched then waved his hand toward General. The lightning twins tossed bolts of electricity rapidly while falling back.
TeleGraph shook his head. “This is not how it’s meant to go.”
General paused at the doorway to strike a pose with both hands on his well toned hips. Then he saw TeleGraph sitting upon his throne. “You! Did you think you could return to the scene of the crime!”
My head tried to roll out of it’s sockets. Or whatever heads are attached by. This lava pit couldn’t be the scene of anyone’s crime. It made no sense. None of these crazy people were making sense.
“TeleGraph! You’ll never get away a second time!”
“Wonder Twins! Keep him pinned!” Ted shouted while waving his hand. He turned and stomped up the steps to his throne and plopped down. TS pushed me to the side but left me with a mixed view of the situation. More noises preceded a slackening to my restraints, letting me look to either direction.
The names caught up with me. I could almost remember him mentioning Wonder Twins before but I’d thought he was referencing the two in his New, New, New York loft. The room was too hectic for me to get a grip on the thought to follow it through. All I knew at the time was that some portion of my life was based on a completely incorrect assumption.
Ted waved another arm again then shouted, “Man-Gama! No more hiding! Take General down now before this gets out of hand!”
General covered his face against the bolts. His toughness shrugged off most blasts. Lava surged all around the room. A man’s body formed up in one of the large puddles. The patriotic hero glared from under a covered arm then frowned.
He zoomed forward quickly and slammed into the cooling lava body being formed. It splattered away as General carried right through into a wall and out of my sight.
I, of course, was still bound and confused. They two girls shot bolts in steady streams toward the hero, I guess. They were hard to see directly and moved far quicker than expected. Lightning arced through all sorts of objects. General flew back in my direction while avoiding a stream of enemy attacks. He held up the ugly cape to block projectiles. Lava swam along the floor, clearly controlled by Man-Gama.
General drove in front of me then crunched one of the bars. He stopped the moment he saw my face then backed up. His eyes were wide. “Adam?”
I blinked three times.
“No. We can’t rescue him. He’s a No-go,” General said. The hero ducked as more bolts arched around. A finger pressed in his ear, he shouted, “What do I do? Collar the bad guys? Why are they kidnapping Adam?”
“Honey, you said it yourself. We’re villains,” one of the lightning clad ladies shouted in her sweet tones. I turned my recently freed neck to see both of them snapping their fingers. Matching bolts arced off and crawled down their bodies.
“We don’t have to care about silly things like rules,” the other finished.
Their exchange started again. Lava flowed around me while I watched the twins in action. Ideas were starting to click. Ted couldn’t lie. If I accepted that Ted couldn’t tell untruths and that these were the Wonder Twins, then they were the ones who offered interview tips.
“Goooda mmmit,” I mumbled into the tape. Things were make less and more sense at the same time. Maybe these people were like Ted and alternated between villain activities and the news. That other shoe I’d been waiting for? It was goddamn dropping straight down from the moon with enough force to break my mind.
I looked up to see that three more heroes had joined the fray. A really, really angry looking woman wearing a stage magician’s costume floated in the doorway. Around her sat two black hats that glowed white. She reached into one and pulled out a rabid rabbit. She threw it toward the Wonder Twins and the rabbit grew larger until all that remained was a frothing maw.
Behind her were two younger people lashing out at electrical bolts and lava splashes. Their power set looked familiar. I squinted then mumbled into the gag. These two were the same ones from that rooftop a few weeks ago. It might have been a month. The passage of time took too much to wrap my brain around.
“Focus! Remember to listen to commands!” the woman shouted. I couldn’t figure out why she looked familiar. Then again, everything was a god forsaken mess at the moment.
“Fucking hell, what’s going on?” The boy was a beanpole with flight powers. All three of them flew. I wanted to fly. To hell with other people’s powers.
“Mouth!” the older woman snapped.
“Yeah idiot,” the girl responded.
“You’re both getting grounded,”
Both kids buttoned up and actually shuddered. My stupid camera orb fluttered around happily. No one else but me seemed to notice the damn device. This place was a goddamn mess. Wonder Twins tossed bolts while shrieking loudly. Their voices no longer sounded peaceful or sweet.
Multiple lava men formed. Their arms lifted then extended in unison then expanded into the wall. Magic woman’s hats both pulled close to the floating mother. She pulled out a string of scarves then tossed them forward. Both kids zipped along the cavern’s interior walls in a strafing maneuver.
I fucking sat there, still partially suspended. General’s partial hostage rescue left me dangling on my side. Ted sat up on his throne watching the madness and frowning. I glared, he ignored me. I blinked three times to deliver a personal message, and Ted still ignored me. His cheeks were tightened and lips curled downward.
He slammed his fist down onto the throne’s arm then stood up.
“Why!?” Ted shouted while running straight for General. “You’re not meant to be here!”
The tight wearing hero and his stupid cape paused. He turned mid air and threw up hands to ward off more blasts. Ted moved quickly and reared back a fist then struck General in his face. The hero flew back. Both siblings tossed powers around keeping the lightning twins busy. I could barely figure out who was winning. The teams were even in terms of numbers but General looked like he was getting beat.
Ted socked him again with a fist. I couldn’t figure out who to cheer on. Part of me hoped that all the sides knocked each other out so I’d be left along with Ted. Then he’d get a kick in the balls.
The idea of being able to extract my own revenge for everything that had happened caused me to jerk in the bindings. My body flopped again and muscles strained. Nothing came loose but I kept trying. Flux floated around me in a circle, apparently finding my struggle more interesting than all the powered people fighting each other.
General yelled and slammed into a wall. His body slumped to the ground then rolled. One hand stretched out before going slack. The hot magma flowed in his direction while both lightning twins shot bolts. They were weaker, I assumed their powers only had so much longevity.
Giant cards slammed into the ground. Each one held back the flowing lava. Burbling bubbles which made no sense came from one of the red pits next to me.
“Grab them!” the older woman said while pointing in my direction.
“I’ll get Adam!” the boy said. I think his name had been Boy Wonder. “You get General!”
Blue hummed by my ear and fought back the other colors splashing around. My arms loosened from the rest of the rig. My vision twisted around to a new view.
Ted’s lips tightened. The Wonder Twins were circling back to their leader. TS kept fighting a giant bunny. He turned abruptly and I heard a loud crunch as the critter’s neck snapped. Rocks spun together out of the ground around General.
“Holy fuck he’s heavy,” Boy Wonder said as he lifted me up.
“Truth,” TS said calmly. He calmly held back the giant rabbit with a hand on each one of the monster’s jaws.
He flew and I sat slung over a shoulder trying to pry off the bindings. My head spun. The world kept moving too fast and we kept banging into objects. We slammed into a wall and the pain made me grunt. We hit the ceiling too fast and I jerked in the bindings but couldn’t pat myself down for blood. Sunlight displayed through General’s hole in the wall.
The female pointed her arms to the exit. She shouted, “Go! Go! We’ve got to get out of here!”
“But-” the teen boy shouted.
My stomach lurched as the world jerked sideways. Eyes rolled and I struggled to go slack. The cavern door grew smaller as Boy Wonder once against carried me away.
“Showgirl! Come back here with your little brats!” Ted raised his fists and clapped both hands together. A row of villains jeered. He shouted up as we fled, “You’ll be back Adam! I have Alice! And you’ll have to face me if you want to see her alive again!”
“Subjective truth,” the gray-faced man yelled at us. He held a deceased bunny in his hands.
I’m pretty sure Ted started cursing, but he didn’t seem like the sort. The hero siblings flew away with us and I hung there, trying to piece together how to solve this problem. For a good five seconds, I wondered which one of us was stupider, Ted for holding a clearly deranged person suffering repeated psychotic breaks hostage – or me for thinking I could come to her rescue.
I’d have to.
The attempt at being calm failed as water hit both eyes. Fingers wiggled to get out of the binders. I twisted both arms franticly. Once free I reached up then tore the tape off my face. Immediately my mouth opened to scream, “I’ll fucking kill you, you backstabbing assholes!” I prayed TS would inform Ted of the truth to my words.
Notes on when coincidences fucking aren’t
Correlation between power, actions, and encounters
|Okay. Let’s assume you read about the baby with the big head who spews dogs out its anus and compels people to kill their families if you listen to its voice. That probably felt weird, but may not have blown your mind. This next one may do better.
Here’s how it goes, people with powers of any sort often run into the same things over and over. It could be the same person. Or if a close friend dies they may find a person with the same personality that now has powers. (surprise – I say with all the dryness in the world) I met this one lady who had a magic pair of scissors – right? Her life revolved around fighting off evil toupees and hair aliens. Which is awfully fucking convenient that her powers were suited to the situations at hand.
This other dude, he gets cosmic level powers. The kind that could level a city, gifted by aliens. What’s he charged to do with those powers? Fight off other aliens. This sort of ‘coincidence’ occurs again and again. ONLY THIS STUFF ISN’T COINCIDENTAL.
This is one of the few initiatives I’m proud of. I locked a bunch of mind reading monkeys in a room with…incentive, and they came out with four copies of Shakespeare, two Presidential Speeches a week before anyone uttered them, a prophecy on my favorite snack cake company going bankrupt, and this graph chart thing – written in lipstick – that showed a direct relation to superpowers and recurring themes.
Confused? Not blown away? Well you’re a twit. Here it is again, people will run into the same heroes, villains, or sword-wielding turtles over and over again. They’ll run into the same theme, moral conundrums, or Illuminati (heh, those twits) groups again and again. Until they have an event – which we haven’t figured out yet – or they die. Usually it’s death.
Now I handed this report to those upon high. They laughed, smiled, nodded, and told me to get back to my job and mind my own business. They’re probably part of the Illuminati conspiracy (read: they’re twits). Someone is planning this stuff, and every time I think too hard about who that may be, my pants catch on fire. So, this is a warning to you doo, think too hard about the nature of reality and your pants may catch on fire.
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